FIN

it finally met its end...no, i finally ended up this long-time piece of shit. and so its true, there is always a saturation point, and when that is reached, everything will change. this is what i was afraid of, not because i cannot let go, but, the moment i walk out, there's no way i will look back...it has been a struggle for the longest time, i must say i have been so brave in taking all the risks and fighting for the person ive been dreaming to be with...but, as time passed by, it became crystal clear that ive been dwelling into a sort of one-way funnel-->you pour it all out too fast, then nothing's left and that's it, IT HAS FOREVER BEEN ONE WAY. im proud of myself because i know ive been patient, brave, hopeful...i have given it all only to learn that he is just not worth it-->simple reason, he is not into me.

i thought it would be difficult...yes, who wouldn't have a hard time forgetting the pain of being fooled, and worse i really feel i was USED...when you love someone you just don't see all of the flaws, even if it doesnt feel right anymore, you still give in, you still trust, you still love him. one day, you'll get tired, and soon realize that this person never took time to appreciate you...worse, jealousy really kills...especially when you get to see how much the one you love favors the other one--that one who really owns his heart.

i dont understand how people can afford to hurt others...at least in such a way that they are fully aware that what they are doing is wrong...that someone is hurting. greed, selfishness...though its painful to accept but yes, that person you once loved is that same greedy self-centered monster that has the capability to destroy you.

but then, just like what my guy friends were telling me, the key in ending up the misery is right here in my hands...maybe i thought it was difficult, but now finally it uncovered that reality is a lot easier than how i thought it was. it all lies in courage, and love for oneself...