9-16

Im missing lots of people. Well i realized ive been too busy that i am missing much in life. I miss d good old days wen life for me was a lot lighter. Wen i dont have to think much and despite being busy, still being able to squeeze in other activities. Its a lot different now. As much as i want to spend some time to escape from the pressures of med world, time wouldnt really permit. I miss d easy life, the genuine laughs and crazy old days of hanging out and not thinking about tomorrow. It pains me coz as time passes by, people around me narrows down. Most already had a big difference in their lives. Oh well i chose the tedious path. And oftentimes its only by prayer and faith that i do to surpass all these. I hope this would end soon. I really wish God would send me an angel to make life a bit easier and happier dan now. I wanna end d misery. The misery of clinging on to a wrong person. The pain of expectations. It makes the load heavier. Maybe its my turn to be happy.

9-14

we have to count our blessings. im a strong believer of that. well sometimes life gets so boring as if nothing new is happening, everything seems so stagnant and monotonous. but God has little surprises that await us, we just have to be a bit keen in order to notice those.

sometimes we tend to dwell ourselves much on things that are trivial, or rather we're waiting or expecting from those things without noticing much that several things are already happening around. lesson is MOVE AROUND and help urself and enjoy as much as we can, thru the little and lightest things-->diversion is the key, otherwise life would be an early death that doesnt end.

9-13

one thing ive noticed, people whom i got involved with come and go, and come back again. probably for a different reason, that im not sure of. its just that i always give double effort to let go of those people and yet fate draws them back. i never wanted it this way, because it comes contrary to my expectations that as time passes the impact is lessened. sometimes i assess myself whether its my fault, but lately i realized ive been actively putting efforts to move on farther, but unexplainably they just come back. most of the time it brings me heartache. because ive got only one simple wish, that is to find that ONE who wouldnt leave me, who would stay for real, FOR GOOD, and it is frustrating that by coming back they give a constant reminder that still i am left alone. I dont know why of all people, they love to mess up with me when in fact i am not actually allowing them to do so. no matter how i shut up and put on large barriers, im always dragged...its not flattering, rather,it complicates everything while im progressively getting numb. i dont wanna hurt anyone, but that doesnt mean its me who's supposed to carry all the burden....its difficult. somehow at this point i really wanna be with that one who would protect me and save me from all of these. im tired....really tired....of all aspects of my life, this is where i am weakest. maybe because i indulge in giving much, and expecting less, and end up getting nothing from that least i am asking. its really ironic, when what you wish for is not given when in fact its just an inch away, and you keep on hiding on someone who keeps on searching for you....argh i complicate things because i face them one by one. i just cant afford to make a sweet escape, i dont want to leave things unsettled. i dont want the shortcuts because i know it will keep me wondering forever...what if...its unending...