DOCTOR

They work with herbs and penicillin.
They work with gentlenessand the scalpel.
They dig out the cancer,
close an incisionand say a prayerto the poverty of the skin.
They are not Godst
hough they would like to be;
they are only humantrying to fix up a human.
Many humans die.
They die like the tender,
palpitating berriesin November.
But all along the doctors remember:First do no harm.
They would kiss if it would heal.
It would not heal.
If the doctors cure
then the sun sees it.
If the doctors kill
then the earth hides it.
The doctors should fear arrogance
more than cardiac arrest.
If they are too proud, and some are,
then they leave home on horseback
but God returns them on foot.

4-25

magandang gising hahaha. i dont know i just feel happy today. everything was just right. siguro maganda lang talaga gising ko. and marami din akong nagawa today. no dull moment. plus si achi aga uwi and couzins went over. ayun kasi maraming tao. and basta ang bilis ng oras tas mejo maulan so hindi mainit ayun kaya ako in the mood =)

well kala ko kasi ang cause ng sunod sunod kong depression eh darkness...yeah attacks at night eh. nung nabasa ko kasi ung veronika decides to die, sabi dun isa sa cause ng depression ay kapag walang sunlight. pero today palagay ko, too much sun can cause depression din at bugnot hahahaha.....

uhm that kulit guy, hinihiritan na naman ako. well i just wanted to be polite and disprove na intimidating ako...*oh well tanggap ko naman na un ang utmost impression sakin ng mga tao* well partly let's say kasama un sa flowery words niya...hahaha i dont know up to when ako makakaiwas sa pagyaya niya mag-date. hay....ewan ko ba, bkt b ganun bakit ba walang matinong lalake...nakooooowwww. natawa ako sa pag-iwas niya sa topic. pano, gingagawa pang front na kesyo di na siya masaya sa gf niya, di daw compatible...ah lintek diba! banatan ko pa ng kayo talagang mga lalake ohhhh! eh tagal mong gf sabihin mo di compatible bobo ka pala eh ngaun mo lang naequate yan! (oi hindi ko naman sinabi ung bobo sa loob loob ko lang un, ung kayong mga lalake lang) eh kasi totoo naman, i really feel bad kapag nakakaencounter ako ng ganitong klase, akalain mo, they will start acting pathetic and bigo, but the truth is di lang talaga marunong makuntento......hayyyy sa dami n rin ng kalokohan ko dati, memorize ko na lahat ng uri ng pambobola, jusko! isang text or tawag p lng sakin lam ko na hilatsa...haiii, i wont let that be a plus pogi point on his part, well una sa lahat, wala siyang yagballs para i-settle yan within themselves, and worse, gagamitin pa para dumiskarte sa iba.....

as of my major minor problem (ung major ang adjective lol) yes minor kung tutuusin, ayun parang nauuntog na ko ng bahagya ah. nakakasawa din pala. ay talaga kung ayaw edi wag. na-realize ko sa dami din naman ng lumalapit sakin (ahem pero totoo naman walang halong yabang pramis) naisip ko bakit b ko nagddwell sa isang to, ay mahirap kapag di ka naaappreciate...dapat talaga di pinagpapapansin eh....sabi nga ng friend ko sana daw di pa huli ang lahat pag na-realize niya, sabi ko naman nako dude walang marerealize un...at mukhang nahuhuli na nga siya, shet ung helmet malapit na matanggal haiiiiiiiiii......ang gulo ko talaga, actually sila...ewan ko b nman

kasi naman feeling ko malas talaga ako sa mga relasyones...nakow parang roller coaster i swear parang see saw....ung gusto ko ayaw, ung gusto ako ayaw ko naman, pag may-i-exit na ko hahabol habol, tas ayaw ko naman ulet tas may mga dadating na panggulo na ayaw ko pa rin ====>>>ayyyy ako ang magulo ang gulo hahaha. nadala na ko eh sobrang nadala na....kaya di bale ng wlang jowa kesa saktan k lng diba.

hui

amf! binasa ko ung luma kong blogs dun sa friendster hahaha harrruuuuu un ung panahon ampalaya/bitter ocampo pa ako. ayyy grabe halatang hurt galore! at bakit parang ang galing ko mag-english dun! hahaha ganun ata pag pira-piraso ang puso naxxxxxxx mukhang soon ganon na naman ulet tatalino na naman ako hahaha punyeta ang sakit ng ulo ko sarap untog!

4-24

langya lakas na naman ng topak ko. its my sister's grad today and yeah enuf tickets for me to join them. haha at dahil sa mababaw na dahilan na wala akong maisip isuot ay hindi ako sumama. crap diba ako ba ay slash tinatamad o talagang bilog lang ang buwan. hay sumasakit din kasi ang ulo ko. nga lang di naman ako makatulog. buti n nga rin to para maaga akong makatulog mamayang gabi... ayan nalulungkot tuloy ako dito sa bahay....tampururot eching!

4-23

another boring day had passed, and i do not even know how i was able to handle the past weeks of this vacation without losing sanity. this morning i woke up feeling emoshitty *again* hell yeah the same old issue of my 'pseudorelationship' but then again ended up letting all my plans pass. haist im still in between, i cant make up my mind whether to drop him or not. i wanna drop him coz i feel hanging, but then i think that feeling of "hanging" is fairly relative, that would depend whether how much i cling on to this...i thought i can still handle suppressing the feeling of being in-love with the fact that we dont see each other for some time now. well its just that, i wanted to know whether ill be getting something good out of this, hay forget it....might as well enjoy the moment coz either way it will hurt if its gonna hurt. but i still pray that if this aint going somewhere better i just hope letting go wouldnt be terribly hurtful....

i felt so guilty today for exceeding a bit from my required diet. i just hate feeling full...yeah i so enjoy starving myself. and i felt bad for not working out as much as ive planned. im too lazy today, that sucks! i seriously wanna lose five more pounds...starvation mode starvation mode!

uhm i wish i could fall asleep early. its too humid and i cant even take a nap.

the pursuit of happyness

habang nagchichikahan kame ni jaja last night dahil sa mga pangyayaring di ko inaasahan (kinukuwento ko ung mga buraot) naputol ang usap dahil manonood daw siya ng the pursuit of happiness. ayun nakinuod na rin ako.

kuwento ni Chris Gardner....hay, nakakalungkot pero talagang na-inspire ako sa movie na to....NAKAKABILIB.

ang igsi lng nung movie pero talagang heart warming. pero isa siguro sa na-reflect ko eh ung FOCUS. sobrang focused niya kasi sa goal niya, kung ano ang gusto niya un lang talaga. wala lang, naisip ko lang dapat ganon din ako hehehe.

nakakaiyak ung scene na sa banyo sila natulog mag-ama.....hay, nakakalungkot isipin na may mga taong nakakaexperience ng ganon....pero lahat ng hirap nila, talagang nag pay off din naman =) sipag talaga at diskarte...wahehehe apektado daw talaga ako sa movie, di ko kasi napanood yan dati eh hehe =) TRUE STORY siya galing!

4-20

pasalubong ni achi to hongkong style noodles hehehe ayun masaya ako, ngayon ko nga lang nasabi kc last week pa to eh, tas tinatamad akong mag-blog.

nung weekend galing ako kay pawikan, dun ako natulog. badminton, tambay...a not so good day. may mga buraot kasing papansin sa buhay ko. grrrrr

ewan ko b naman kung bakit ako lapitin ng mga kaguluhan. kumusta naman tagal tagal na eh nadadamay pa ko sa mga kadramahan ng buhay nila.

kinabukasan greenhills galore hehehe salamat kay pawikan at masayang nasimulan ang linggo ko.

ngaun, more energy mas happy. pero nagiisip pa rin ako ng mga bagay bagay. hay paulit ulit na lang to kakabuwisit na. sana talaga mabigyang linaw na lahat dahil ayoko ng mag dwell sa mga useless na tao. sayang energy, sayang luha, sayang lahat.

4-13

napapadalas ang pagkainis ko ah. di ko na talaga maintindihan tong pinasok ko. simple lang naman sana pero hanggat magulo ang kausap mo wala talagang magulo ang lahat. nakakasakit nakakabuwisit, gusto mo bitawan pero ang hirap. dapat sanay na ko dito eh. dapat kayang kaya ko na. habang pinapatagal ko kasi lalo ko lang pinahihirapan ang sarili ko. panahon na rin para sumaya naman ako kesa naman ganito. bat ganun adik ata yun eh.

napulot ko lang at tinamaan ako

Pseudo-relationships...The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. (pwde rin MisUnderstanding.. Malabong Usapan.. and the like.. ) Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

excerpt from: http://migzsanmiguel.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2006/10/pseudorelations.html

4-10

kahapon--movie with jaja @ greenhills. hay init...were obviously bored big time hahaha and im glad ginabi ako ng uwi...we really wanted to kill time =)

today-- wla i just do not know pano nauubos ang oras ko maghapon doing nothing, at magbusy busyhan kahit na nonproductive naman....haist ang boring talaga bored bored bored at ang init init

4-7

im pissed. i thought this day is simply boring, like any other summer days. i dont know why things cant fall exactly as how i wanted it. maybe im running out of patience. i just dont understand why some people can manage to carry everything as if no emotions exist.

i thought then that everything is clear between the two of us, after that day of exchange of confessions re what really the hell is going on. the last time i remember that we talked about this high maintenance shit, i was about to turn my back and leave to untangle all the complications ive been dwelling in for the longest time, but he asked for a chance...a chance to do something about it.

i learned to just enjoy and simply make the most out of waiting, but then, here he comes talking about the future....he includes me, but those were jokes which i dont even know if somehow those were half meant, but all i know is that it pisses me.

i am truly bored, because its hard to manage something like this. keeping a relationship which i cant even call real, having someone whom i cant call mine, exchanging sweet words which i am not sure if he uttered sincerely.

i just cant understand him, that's why i concluded that it wouldnt really be the way i want it. he is always too safe, and the text he sent me a while ago was like a confirmation.

it hurts to keep someone who will keep you indefinitely. i know its my stupidity that i chose this kind of setup, i just dont know up to when i can take this.