12-20-08

today is the offical start of the so far first vacation we have for this school year. whew! it was almost perfect but then for the nth time it was ruined by errr only i would know.... i just figured out, no matter how much you give for one person it doesnt always mean getting back the same...or worse even getting the opposite of what ur giving. ahhh life sucks (at that certain area of my life) nothing is perfect...i got hurt, if frustrates me, it gets me furious and at the same time makes me realize what i should have realized early on. owell, i wallowed over this, at least to get desensitized, i dont wanna dwell on the thought further and make things harder for me. i just wish i could stand still with this decision of just disappearing...ITS NOT WORTH IT, REALLY... i figured, no matter how long, how much, all positive driving factors a person could give, if its one way, there's not even a speck of possibility that it would flourish, or climb up at that level you've been yearning to reach. argh...i am pissed, and more than that, i feel disrespectful towards him...MORON, MORON, MORON....im not good enough for him no matter what i do, on the other hand, i realized, if im not good, then he's even less of what's worse. I know God will take care of this very well...i just dont wanna entertain the bad thoughts and pain it gives me, not anymore, i had enough...