10-24-09

yesterday was our 2nd month together :) ang saya, im getting to know him better...at wala akong pagsisisi sa lahat lahat... having him in my life is the best decision i have made.

instead of the typical celebration, kakaiba ang nangyari kahapon, another phase of our journey... we were both from our duty, but sa kanya was his last duty as an om resident...i feel sad, mamimiss ko ung mga pagsilip silip namin sa isat isa while in the hospital, our meals together, ung paggising ko sa knya ng madaling araw at kunwari manghihiram ng dugo hehehe. good thing, he settled in a nearby place, magkikita pa rin naman kme palagi...yesterday, inayos namin ung place nya, bought things for the room...the first time i saw him grumpy, ang hon mainipin at mejo mainitin din pala ang ulo, very agile dahil allergic sa shopping...hehehehe typical guy. i love watching him do the guy's chore, ung mga pagmamartilyo at pawis pawis tapos magsusungit...hehehe tapos magugutom at masungit ulit... hehe inis na inis sya while i was laughing at him, kasi naman agit. pero sa totoo nacucute-an lng talaga ako. :) weve spent the entire day and night together... masaya ako.

i love him so much... ang dami ng nangyari since day 1, another phase na naman, he's reviewing for his diplomate exam...pero alam ko naman kayang kaya ni hon yan :)) all my support to his endeavors...kaya kahit wala akong tulog, go go lang.

10-25-09

tagal na akong di nakapag post. dami ng nangyari...hmmm surgery rotation is about to end..masaya, sobrang masaya kahit nakakapagod...new friends, people who got closer to me...2 rotations to go and clerkship will finally be over :) hay i just hope i could settle my papers soon para matapos na ang hassle...

but the real highlight here eh siempre ang lurve life hehehe...i just cant believe i finally found him after the long wait. at sana eto na talaga... patho rotation has been a blessing, kasi dun nya ko nakita hehehe and the story goes on :) i found my male counterpart, i just cant describe how happy i am right now, really happy, blessed and nothing more to ask for...kumpleto na ang buhay ko :)

masaya ako

We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone— we find it with another.

August 24, 2009

Dr. Ike Manuel Flores


i found him :) i love you honey...

finally another post

its been ages since the last time i posted here. after that exhausting IM rotation, finally im having a life again. temporarily no night duties. sarap talaga. im enjoying my derma rotation big time. stress free and pretty people surrounds me. plus weekends off haist nothing beats minors. except of course ENT rotation, haist it scares me. pero that will roughly be a month from now so im going to enjoy first :))

03-25-09

half day today...thanks it was our turn to continue the implementation paper. this day was fairly light thank goodness. i was able to claim my prc id before lunch break, grabbed the ham and cheese sandwich at dunkin donuts which ive been craving for the past days yey, and i was able to meet ayla after more than a year of not seeing her.

this day is happy, i was able to do stuff that somehow would make me forget the weekend's not so good experience.

we've talked of gossips re- how the people from other wards are doing. it scares me yes, but the thought of it makes me more tired than scared. im still in that state of thinking twice if this is what i really wanted to do. may sound ridiculous but experiencing it first hand would justify it all.

i am plainly not happy as of now. and i dont understand power tripping period. im observing how my friends are doing now thru facebook...most of them (probably all of them) are earning their own money, some, have their own families, etc etc...i dont know but part of me felt envious of the lesser burden they're going through...i feel as if this life i have chosen is the more difficult path when in reality an easier one is waiting for me...whenever i feel this way, i bear in mind that patience is a virtue....problem is, i still dont know if the fruit of all sacrifices would really be as sweet as how i have thought, probably not until i already have it...

the worse is yet to come...

FIN

it finally met its end...no, i finally ended up this long-time piece of shit. and so its true, there is always a saturation point, and when that is reached, everything will change. this is what i was afraid of, not because i cannot let go, but, the moment i walk out, there's no way i will look back...it has been a struggle for the longest time, i must say i have been so brave in taking all the risks and fighting for the person ive been dreaming to be with...but, as time passed by, it became crystal clear that ive been dwelling into a sort of one-way funnel-->you pour it all out too fast, then nothing's left and that's it, IT HAS FOREVER BEEN ONE WAY. im proud of myself because i know ive been patient, brave, hopeful...i have given it all only to learn that he is just not worth it-->simple reason, he is not into me.

i thought it would be difficult...yes, who wouldn't have a hard time forgetting the pain of being fooled, and worse i really feel i was USED...when you love someone you just don't see all of the flaws, even if it doesnt feel right anymore, you still give in, you still trust, you still love him. one day, you'll get tired, and soon realize that this person never took time to appreciate you...worse, jealousy really kills...especially when you get to see how much the one you love favors the other one--that one who really owns his heart.

i dont understand how people can afford to hurt others...at least in such a way that they are fully aware that what they are doing is wrong...that someone is hurting. greed, selfishness...though its painful to accept but yes, that person you once loved is that same greedy self-centered monster that has the capability to destroy you.

but then, just like what my guy friends were telling me, the key in ending up the misery is right here in my hands...maybe i thought it was difficult, but now finally it uncovered that reality is a lot easier than how i thought it was. it all lies in courage, and love for oneself...

thinking things out

the past days were on and off struggle to let go...well as expected, its not that easy...it doesnt happen overnight. every morning as i wake up, i pray that i will stop calling, that i will stop texting...owell i just miss him. but still, i am determined to end it up...i know its gonna happen, though it might take some time, but I WILL DO IT. expectations...this put everything into tangled complications, but really as i came to think of it, its as simple as "i expected a lot, held on for too long, given out too much" that's why in the end, i was badly hurt. that's why i dont put all the blame on him, for in the first place, he never promised anything to me...i am the one to blame, because i let him do so. i did not protect myself as how i was warned beforehand. bad addiction to sum it up. i believe i just took the risk because of the hope that MAYBE, something good will happen. no one knows what's next, but my faith will lead me to the right person, i know God has a big plan, a beautiful one...i may have played a role in his life in a way only God knows and likewise he also has a purpose in my life...i love him, i am certain of that, maybe only time can mend what's broken and answer all the questions and give clarity to all of these. i guess this is where patience is much more needed. next time, i will let love find me...